Beyond exclusivity: The passions and pitfalls of polyamory

Historically, society has set strict rules when it comes to romance. Vanilla sex with a long-term partner, and you shouldn’t dare share any details outside of the bedroom. But a new wave of romantics is rewriting the rules and unapologetically embracing their sexual freedom.

Monogamy may still be the norm. However, Flirtini’s recent survey of 1,000 polyamorous adults shows that polyamory—the practice of ethical non-monogamy, where people engage in multiple romantic relationships with the full consent of everyone involved—is growing in popularity.

Thus, the survey shows that for most, it’s about satisfying their sex drive (52%), while others are in it for love and romance (25%). Likewise, for 16%, curiosity—the desire to explore and experience—drove them to polyamory. After all, how do you know you don’t like something unless you try it?

Breaking the monogamous mold: The spectrum of polyamory

Polyamory doesn’t mean sleeping with who you want when you want, no matter the place or the cost—unless both partners agree.

It’s a wide spectrum of dating styles and desires. Some 39% of poly couples only have one additional partner, while just 27% have three or more.

At one end, you have open relationships, where partners explore separate sexual adventures, which 52% have tried. At the other end, you have swinging, a shared thrill where couples only indulge together, tried by 32%.

Then you have mono-poly relationships, tried by 13%, which blur the line between exclusivity and freedom, and one-penis/one-vagina (38%), where partners can only sleep with others of the same sex as them.

Like any relationship, rules apply. For 34%, the shared bed is sacred, while 34% also insist that deep feelings for somebody else should be laid bare. But there’s one rule that poly couples (43%) agree on more than any other: when sleeping with others, protection is a must.

Polyamory unfiltered: What nobody tells you about open love

More sex, more passion, more pleasure—what’s not to love? But for those practicing polyamory, the rewards come with their fair share of challenges.

For 29%, time management isn’t always easy. Another 29% wrestle with the weight of society’s judgment, while 23% struggle to resist the temptation to find another partner—constantly scouring the best apps for polyamorous dating in search of a new lover. Moreover, 27% suffered from being shifted from primary to secondary.

Then there are the practical concerns: 12% say stress over their sexual health, while 11% feel the financial strain of maintaining multiple romances.

And at times, polyamory and mental health can be a balancing act. Even in the most open of relationships, jealousy poses the biggest threat, with 43% of poly couples admitting envy over their partner’s trysts.

It doesn’t help that 67% believe their partner has been with someone way hotter than them, while 8% have even faced the ultimate heartbreak—being left for another lover.

If polyamory is your thing, it might be best to avoid asking too many questions. But curiosity is seductive, and few can resist its pull, with 82% admitting they or their partner have wondered about a night shared with somebody else.

Double dating: How do polyamorous people spend Valentine’s Day?

How do those in polyamorous relationships celebrate Valentine’s Day? That depends on the relationship dynamic. For 43%, it’s a night of shared passion between all partners, while 22% prefer to divide their time between lovers to ensure nobody feels left out.

But while polyamory amplifies the romance, it isn’t all sunshine and roses—the extortionate cost of gifts, the fight to book a table, and the passionate lovemaking after a long day. Some 33% admit it's just too much sex, and 10% say they don’t have enough money to buy gifts for every lover.

To keep the peace, remain fair, and avoid the expense, it’s no wonder 19% abstain from the day of love entirely.

More partners, more pleasure: The benefits of polyamory dating

For 48% of polyamorous people, the biggest thrill of rejecting monogamy is the diverse sex life it provides. But it isn’t always about sex. Some 26% say it offers greater emotional fulfillment, 14% love the freedom that love without limits provides, and 12% see it as an opportunity to discover who and what they enjoy most.

With so many reaping the rewards of breaking free from long-standing expectations, 70% of polyamorous people believe it’s only so long before society sheds its prudish attitudes and embraces more modern relationship dynamics—letting go of monogamy, exploring its sexual desires, and promoting inclusivity in dating apps.

Polyamory isn’t for everyone—and that’s okay

While more people are exploring non-exclusivity, and many are loving the freedom it brings, Flirtini’s polyamory research shows that 34% of polyamorous people are contemplating a return to monogamy.

Sexuality is a spectrum, and what gets one person’s heart racing won’t do it for another. As the world becomes more sexually free, it isn’t about following the latest trend or conforming to society’s expectations; it’s about figuring out what gets your heart racing and having fun—whether that’s staying exclusive, swinging, or sleeping around.

Methodology

This research was conducted by Flirtini using internal polling. Flirtini researchers and experts surveyed 1,000 adults who identified themself as those who practice polyamory, where people engage in multiple romantic relationships with the full consent of everyone involved. The respondents were asked a range of questions about their experience of polyamorous relationships.

Participants:

• Female 25%
• Male 75%

Age of participants:

• 18 - 27 = 45%
• 28 - 44 = 40%
• 45 - 61 = 15%

The data was collected in February 2025.