The Ultimate Guide on How to Date a Cougar

Written by Flirtini team

06/02/2025

Mature, elegant women–just like fine wine. There’s nothing more attractive than confident women, and that’s one thing you can expect when dating a cougar.

Older women are interested in different things than you. They’re at a different stage in life. That difference makes things both beautiful and exciting yet complicated.

Want to date older women? If so, you’re in the right place.

Flirtini is here to help you win hearts and love, no matter the age difference. This guide helps you understand cougar dating and offers practical cougar dating tips to form deeper connections.

What is a Cougar?

There are many different terms to describe older women, but one that’s often used is “cougar”. Yes, just like the furious and energetic wild cats.

Cougar is used to describe an older woman who looks for relationships with younger men.

Women are considered cougars when they date someone who is at least a decade older than their partner or casual fling. This 10+ year difference is the age gap to be a cougar, and this is known as the cougar age rule.

“Cougar” implies a confident, empowered woman who knows exactly what she wants and goes after it.

Cougar dating involves a cougar-cub dynamic. The cougar is the older woman, while the “cub” is the younger man that they are seeing.

What is the male equivalent of a cougar?

The male equivalent of a cougar is known as a “manther”. Like cougars, a manther is an older man who seeks sexual or romantic relationships with younger women. To be considered a manther, there must be a 10 or more year age difference in the age-gap relationship.

Now that you’ve learned about age-gap relationships, are you interested? A cougar dating site is the perfect way to explore a cougar and cub relationship.

Is Cougar Dating Common?

We’ve all seen the movies. The ones with the younger girl going after the older guy? While that dynamic is common in movies, real life might be the other way around.

Research from the Psychological and Cognitive Sciences journal finds that middle-aged women and men were both attracted to younger partners. This was data gained from over 4,500 blind dates.

A separate study from the Personal Relationships journal found that the older people get, the more they prefer a younger partner.

Cougar dating is more popular today because older women are becoming more independent. They have their own money and no longer rely on the financial support of those around them.

So, yes. Cougar dating is growing in popularity.

Want to talk to older women? Let’s set you up for dating success with Flirtini’s conversation starters for dating apps first.

Why Do Cougars Date Cubs?

According to AARP research, 34% of women between 40 and 69 have dated younger partners.

Why? It’s simple. Cougars tend to feel better when dating younger partners. This makes sense if we consider the fact that:

Cougars are older than their male partners, and this shifts the power dynamics towards greater gender equality.
As women get older, they start to care less. They break away from societal norms and feel empowered to date someone younger than them. That excitement and empowerment make older women feel more satisfied.

Justin Lehmiller, researcher and host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, tested this. In his study of 200 heterosexual women in relationships, those who were older than their partner by 10+ years were the most satisfied.

These women were both more satisfied with and more committed to their relationships.

Why You Should Consider Cougar Dating

Cubs also benefit from cougar dating. These age-gap relationships work because both sides see the value and benefit of the relationship.

See if cougar dating is right for you. Cougar dating means older women that:

Know what they want: With age comes confidence. Cougars have a clear understanding of their boundaries, needs, and wants. Their direct communication style can be refreshing if you prefer a straightforward partner.
Can teach life lessons: An older woman may share valuable insights that broaden your perspective.
Are more emotionally mature: Life experiences teach cougars emotional maturity. These women are more intuned and self-aware of their emotions.
Are more independent: Many older women are financially self-sufficient. This can ease traditional relationship pressures, where the man is expected to pay and provide.
May prefer casual relationships: Some older women, especially those with past relationships or divorces, may seek a toyboy and nothing more. These casual relationships are great for those looking for low-commitment fun.

Cougar dating means maturity and respect that cubs might not find when dating women their age.

Where to Meet Cougars

Cougars are out there–it’s just about knowing where to look. Here are 8 spots to consider when looking to meet cougars:

Hotel bars

Everyone loves a drink, and cougars are no exception. The trick is to visit 5-star hotel bars around 5 or 6 PM. That’s when you’ll find a mix of older businesswomen and vacationers unwinding and gearing up for a fun evening.

Dive bars

Dive bars are also great. You’ll meet a different type of cougar than you’d meet at a luxury bar. This environment is home to adventurous and free-spirited cougars who enjoy a relaxed and familiar vibe.

Classes

Cougars have more time for personal growth. One way to grow and learn new skills is by attending classes. Popular classes include yoga, dance, cooking, and pottery, but these are just a few examples of where to meet older women.

Resorts and cruises

Older women visit resorts and cruises as a way to relax and recharge. It’s also a way for cougars to socialize and meet new people.

Parks and hiking trails

Parks and hiking trails let women enjoy the outdoors while staying fit. Cougars enjoy being outside because they can be immersed in nature and find others who share their love for the outdoors.

Meetup events

Whether it’s a wine tasting, volunteer event, or book club–these meetups provide older women an outlet to socialize. You can find all types of meetups on Facebook and other social sites.

Bookstores and libraries

Women over 45 are some of the biggest readers. This makes bookstores and libraries a prime spot for cougars. It’s a peaceful setting where they can make connections over books and literature.

Online

Cougars and cubs can also connect online. Dating profiles specifically state a user’s age and make the age gap easier to identify. Online platforms offer cougars the flexibility to chat at their own pace and meet in person only if things feel right.

Can You Really Meet Cougars Online?

Today, all it takes is a smartphone to access online dating apps like Flirtini.

“America has fallen in love with online dating,” mentions a 2023 report from Statista. That same report concludes that there are over 60 million online daters in the United States alone. This, of course, includes cougars.

While not every older woman wants to date, there are plenty of older women out there who are single. This includes:

19% of women between the ages of 30 and 49 are single
39% of women between the ages of 50 and 64 are single
49% of women who are 65 and older are single

Older singles are more likely to be single. Considering there are over 60 million active daters, you’re sure to encounter older, confident women who know what they want.

Were these dating age statistics interesting? Explore other dating statistics by age from our team.

What Do Older Women Like?

Yes, it’s possible to meet cougars online. But the Cubs still need to impress cougars and nail that first impression. Ever wonder how to flirt with older women? The trick is to know what they like in a younger man.

Older women are particularly interested in guys who are:

Physically attractive: Looks aren’t everything, but they can be important for cougars looking to date younger. Physically, attractiveness means being fit, eating healthy, and taking care of your overall appearance.
Energetic: Older men tend to lack energy, and that’s what older women miss. Being energetic means being present in the moment and taking the opportunities to be fun and spontaneous.
Passionate about life: Younger men are at a stage where they should aim high and be ambitious. Cougars like to hear you talk about what you’re interested in and what excites you in life. Often, older women are inspired by a younger man’s energy and passions.
Understanding: Older women do face stigma. The first thing people see is her age and not her. It’s refreshing for her to see a younger man trying to understand her as an individual, not just an age.
Inquisitive: Older women have stories to tell. The most attractive cubs show curiosity and ask questions that show interest. It allows her to feel truly valued as a woman.

How to Flirt with a Cougar?

Flirting with a cougar doesn’t have to be complicated, but there are a few things to keep in mind. The most important thing is to not lie and be genuine. Older women have been through it all, and they can spot lies from miles away.

Older women also don’t lie as much as younger women. Cougars aren’t afraid to admit what they want and want to stay true to themselves.

Another thing to avoid is bringing up her age. She’s aware that there’s an age gap, and she’s perfectly okay with that. It’s not only rude but can make your interactions uncomfortable. Unless she brings up age first, the rule of thumb is to stay clear of that topic.

So, what can you do instead to flirt with older women?

Instead, focus on being playful and fun. Flirt playfully, and don’t be afraid to make light-hearted banter. It’s also important to know when to lead and when to be led.

Cubs can sometimes take the lead by suggesting spontaneous dates and adventures. But, cubs should prepare to be led, too. When this happens, cubs shouldn’t meet her with resistance and instead be open to a spontaneous moment.

She’ll likely appreciate the confidence in letting her call the shots.

How Do You Tell if a Cougar Wants You?

One common misconception is that cougars have a special way of telling you they’re interested. But, aren’t cougars just women? Like other women, they show the same signs if they are interested in you.

These are two tell-tale signs that she’s into you: body language and continued interest.

Body language refers to the things that make your body tingle. The extended eye contact, the way she leans in whenever you talk, and her gentle touches. Body language is more about telling how people feel than words and vocal tone.

The other sign is if she goes out of her way to learn about you. She asks questions and initiates plans to keep seeing you. Older women don’t waste time, so if she’s investing hers in you, she’s interested.

Could a Cougar Relationship Work?

At this point, you’ve learned about cougar dating. But, can these relationships truly work?

While there’s no guarantee, the best age-gap relationships go beyond age. Age could be a factor, but these relationships are built on something dynamic and fun.

Many older women enjoy dating younger men because of their energy, passion, and fresh perspective on life. It’s a way for both sides to explore something new and make memories that last.

Want to explore cougar dating sites? Well, you’re already here.