Dating and feminism: When modern love meets old rules
Historically, relationships were far from an equal partnership. In most societies and cultures, women had little legal rights, were economically dependent on their spouse, and were expected to fill particular roles: caregiver, childraiser, and homemaker.
To put it simply, men wore the pants, while women did what they were told. Thankfully, society has changed its ways and embraced equality… right?
Flirtini surveyed 2,000 women on how gender expectations and the fight for equality impact their dating lives. The results show that while the world has progressed, the power dynamics are still skewed. While men continue to rule relationships, fighting against the norm is deemed a major red flag.
Control, criticism, and contradictions: The dating rules women never agreed to
Dating is supposed to be fun, not a never-ending performance where women are forced to walk a tightrope of absurd rules and stifling expectations that often don’t make any sense. One misstep, and you’re labeled “too much” or “not enough”.
Take money, for example. Traditional gender norms insist that the man should be the breadwinner, right? Financial stability in relationships is important, and we want to know we’re choosing a partner who is sensible with money. Yet, 63% of women have been called a “gold digger” or labeled “too demanding” desiring a financially stable partner.
Likewise, it’s a rule in many relationships that women must always look and act according to rigid standards, with 59% having been criticized by a partner for failing to adhere to “proper” feminine behavior and appearance. Yet, embracing your sexuality and being confident in your skin will invite a different kind of criticism, with 64% having been slut-shamed by a partner for the way they dress, their sexual choices, or their past experiences. While body count is a status symbol among many men, women are expected to shy away from their sexuality.
But the biggest crime a woman can commit? Showing too much skin. Some 74% of women have had a partner attempt to control their social media, dictating what’s appropriate to share with their friends and followers online.
Too strong, too successful: The struggles of dating as a feminist
Surely we can all agree — regardless of gender — that unfair gender role stereotypes and outdated gender expectations have got to go. However, dating and feminism don’t go hand-in-hand. As more women embrace feminism and demand equality, the more it feels like a losing battle against fragile egos and outdated views.
Supported by hateful social media influencers pushing misogynistic views, societal norms continue to dictate that women in relationships should be subordinate — putting obedience and their supposed duty to men ahead of their happiness and satisfaction. Equality isn’t a big ask, yet it’s often a deal-breaker. Some 62% of women believe that being a feminist has made it more difficult for them to find a partner, while 44% believe that a previous flame broke up with them because of their feminist views.
Why? According to 72% of respondents, it’s because ambitious women are a threat to the “traditional” man, who prides himself on being the provider. While men are judged on their career progress and financial success, women are looked down upon for being successful — with 61% having lied about their career and income due to fear that telling the truth would turn their date off.
Women empowerment: Is feminism finding its place in dating?
From the United States reversing Roe vs Wade to women being banned from education in Afghanistan and misogyny finding its voice on social media — women’s rights have taken a worrying step backward. It’s no wonder that 65% of women fear they will lose their hard-fought rights in the next decade, undoing centuries of hard work.
But the fight isn’t over yet. While many worry feminism will fade or fall silent, 40% are determined to see the movement endure, no matter how much society pushes back.
The male-dominated world may be resistant to change, but just like in dating, settling isn’t an option. Equality isn’t too much to ask for. It’s a right—and one worth fighting for.
Methodology
This research was conducted by Flirtini using internal polling. Flirtini researchers and experts surveyed 2,000 female dating app users around the world. The respondents were asked a range of questions about how gender expectations and the fight for equality impact their dating lives.
Participants:
Female 100%
Age of participants:
- 18 - 27 = 45%
- 28 - 44 = 52%
- 45 - 61 = 3%
The data was collected between February 24th - March 3rd 2025.
